Landscaping with my Momma & Willis

Many are unaware that up until the 11th hour before the start of the fall semester, it looked like I was going to be moving to Malta to take another international teaching position. Within days of the FSW start of school, they came through with a one year temporary full time professor position.  It was time to decide...

While it appeared to be somewhat of a gamble to side with a one year temporary contract, it potentially could set me up for a permanent position if I remain in good standing with the college.  

Len is here.  

Willis T Cat is here.

Kantiya is here.

My home is here.

Most of my children are still Stateside, which is an easy flight away.

The choice, in the end, was an obvious one...I needed to stay home.  It was time.

My Momma's second birthday in heaven was September 14th. This was a significant date for me, because in my mind, this was the date when I would mentally commit to tapering down on Zoloft altogether.  See, when my mother died unexpectedly at the start of my third school year in China, I was besieged with grief. I was truly on my own to work through it all- Len, my friends, family, and my support system were back in the States. Fall gave way to winter, and I was still in the throws of the grieving process. By December, with the holiday season looming, I finally consulted with my doctor in China, who put me on a low dose anti-depressant. 

I had planned to discontinue it at the end of the first year of the grief process, once I returned from China. At the advice of my doctor here, I stayed on the lowest dose through this last year, which was my first full year back in the United States.  I had a new job, Len and I were adjusting to a 'full time' relationship (no more long distance, yeah!) and there were many adjustments still to make in building a life here in Florida. 

It meant that I was not returning to my home state of Indiana, to my grown children, my grandchildren, my closest friends of many, many years, and all things comfortable and familiar.  My life was not patterned around the four seasons any more.  There were many traditions that seemed to have slipped away.  I also had not really begun to extend myself to forge new friendships here. All of these things, combined with a grief for my Momma that was still crippling at times, left me feeling like I did not have a strong foothold.  I believe staying on the maintenance dose of Zoloft through this second period of adjustment was the right call for me.

By the end of this past September, I was full swing in to my third semester at FSW.  My full time teaching load was under control, the summer boat renovations were all but complete (for the time being!) and I had begun to taper down off the Zoloft once and for all.  In my body, and in my mind, I felt it was time.  

I also was ready to take on the next project around my home.

Now, for a bit of the back story...

We have a slight flooding problem in the rainy season on the east side of our property. This past summer there were times that we used concrete blocks along our property line to keep the flooding at bay during the heavy rainfall. This 'temporary wall' would route the water to drain in to the canal, rather than flood our carport and workshop. Later in the summer, we used some of the extra blocks to make a small, raised garden bed. It was a test run, to see how well we could grow some vegetables in this climate. We planted tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers, and peppers, and I have fresh herbs in pots on our deck. The garden did really well, in spite of the excessive heat and constant moisture.  Given our small raised garden's success, we talked of building a retaining wall/raised garden bed all along the east side of our property. The idea was to keep the flooding out, and to have usable space for growing things.

With my thoughts about a garden and landscaping percolating, I was beginning to form a plan. With my Momma's second anniversary date in my rear view mirror, I reflected on all of the gardening we did together through the years.  At every house I lived, we designed and planted beautiful gardens together.  Pulling weeds was our therapy, and we spent countless hours working in the gardens together, then sitting on the porch having a cold drink and admiring our work.  My Momma was a master gardener, and everything I learned about flowering plants was thanks to her. Several times her gardens were on 'home tours', and her home and gardens were featured in a Victorian magazine.  That was a testament to my Momma's love of flowers and all things pretty 💕

In this southern climate, I do not know the tropical plants that grow here. However, when I shared my idea for planting a garden, my neighbor friends Joy, Karen, Wan, and Margi, all stepped in to share with me their knowledge of tropical foliage, and to give me plants from their own beautiful gardens.  Karen's husband, Steve, brought over his lawn tractor to scrape off the layer of grass, and to give me a rough template to work with.  Anna helped me in the 90 degree sunshine to remove the grass clods (and she is no spring chicken!) I then shopped around to several places looking for the perfect layering stones. I wasn't going to build a beautiful garden, in my Momma's memory, with concrete blocks!  My Momma taught me to 'make things pretty', after all. 😍

Each retaining wall block was 22 pounds, and I bought and moved 2.5 pallets, or 5800lbs of block, all by myself.  Before you get all ugly on Len for not helping, I did not want his help.  Over the course of three weekends through mid-October, with every stone I placed, I was communing with my Momma one more time.  I felt her presence with me as I laid each stone, stepped back to have a look, and as I saw the whole garden begin to take shape.  I wanted that time alone with my Momma, to reminisce, and to feel her close with me, digging in the dirt once again.

It was hard physical labor.

I sweated. 

I cried.  

I smeared dirt on my face to wipe away my tears. 

I prayed.  

Oh, how I prayed.

 And I grieved all over again.  

This was the first time I really got my hands in the dirt since my move back from China, and since she left me on September 14, 2016. Something about this whole process of landscaping was very intentional. It felt like it was exactly the right thing to do.  I have felt orphaned and untethered in this world since her passing.  By the close of the second year in my grieving, it finally felt like I was finding my way in the world again.  This garden symbolized me laying down roots- in my life here, with Len, in Turkey Creek, and with my job as a college professor. 

Digging in the dirt, with the hot, late September sun on my back, talking with my Momma, felt very healing.

It was special.

It was bittersweet.

It was just what I needed.

I could feel her hands guide my own, as I was figuratively, and literally, laying down roots to this life here in Southwest Florida.  

I could hear her soft, sweet voice of approval...of this project of ours, and this life I am building here.

With the rocks all in place, we needed dirt, LOTS of
dirt, to build the raised bed.  There was a highway
construction project going on down the road, and
for $20 to buy the workers some beer, they scooped
two big piles of dirt on to the utility trailer. Len made
a screen that he shoveled the dirt on to, which broke
up the clods, and I sifted out the weeds, trash, and such.
I bought 30 more bags of top soil and some fertilizer, and
raked it all in, prepping the soil for planting.

I laid down landscaping mat, and with buckets of plants given
to me by the neighbors, I started placing things with a plan in mind.

I smiled as my heard my Momma's voice telling me
to dig each hole a little deeper and a littler wider,
and to fill the hole with water containing Miracle
Gro before I placed each plant. She must have
purchased stock in Miracle Gro back in the day,  lol.

Willis supervised the entire project.
He's such a BIG helper. Smdh.

I was a hot, sweaty mess, but with about another 30 bags
of cypress mulch, I could see it all come together.

Yours truly makes a good straw boss.

The finishing touch was going to the garden
store to purchase annuals for my pot. I used to
have potted plants all over my previous property.
I love the variety of flowers and colors.

Still helping 😸

The end of the bed finishes with a semi-circle around our
Barbados cherry tree, and our composters sit behind that.

In our side yard to the west, I planted a fig tree, olive
tree, lemon tree, and lime tree.  Behind them, at the back,
is our starfruit tree, and Kantiya's mast is up in the air ⛵

I came home from night class one evening in
October, and Len had placed solar lights all
around the raised flower garden- it was perfect :)

I still need to paint the stairs, install a railing,
and I want to add Mexican tile risers, then
the exterior will be complete- for now.

I never would have gotten the job done, had it not been for
my Momma and Willis T Cat.  It makes me happy once again
to water my flowers, prune them, and pull weeds.  This
landscaping project was just what I needed to move forward
with my life, and to honor my Momma's memory 💕

G'nite, y'all!