School's Out For Summer!

There is no doubt that teaching psychology to my Chinese babies was one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.  Their dedication and diligence to their academic pursuits is a bar set so high, that my American friends and family find my stories hard to believe.  All of that pressure to succeed comes with a price, however, and I felt part of my calling to China was to temper those unrealistically high expectations set by their teachers, families, and their very culture.  There is so much more to defining a person than one's GPA, transcripts, or from where they receive their diploma.  When learning is no longer FUN, there is a problem.  If I did anything right, it was to teach dem Chinese babies that it's okay to be silly and to have fun.  Life is too precious to be so serious and stressed out all the time!  Never let anyone or anything steal your joy and zest for life 😁...remember, you only get one go around.

In moving back to the US, specifically to SW Florida, I experienced months of reverse culture shock.  I was fortunate to secure a job as an adjunct professor in Psychology for Florida Southwestern College.  The pay is dismal, and I can only hold out for one more school year before I am forced to make a move again.  The bright side is teaching a whole new crop of Mexican-American babies, Cuban-American babies, Puerto Rican-American babies, Honduran-American babies, Guatemalan-American babies, Bahamas-American babies, Jamaican-American babies and good ol' polite, respectful, deep South babies who have found their way to my heart. 💕

Len and I were blessed to have identical teaching schedules, so it made it so convenient to be able to go to work together.  On M/W we taught traditional community college students at the Hendry Glades Center in Labelle, Florida.  On T/R we taught at the Clewiston Collegiate, which is a brand new program.  The Collegiate in Clewiston, Florida, is a pilot program of high ability juniors and seniors.  There is an extensive application process these kids must go through before they are accepted.  FSW professors travel to their high school campus where we are given classrooms.  The students, in turn, are given laptops, textbooks, and their tuition all paid in full. If they 'make the grade' they will graduate from high school with an AA degree from FSW, in addition to their HS diploma.  Not only will many of these kids be first generation high school graduates in their families, most will be first generation college graduates as well.  Where the funding for this program is coming from is not clear.  

What IS clear, is that these group of kids realize what a special opportunity they have been given, and their work ethic closely shadows my Chinese babies.  Keep in mind that most of these kids are ESL learners, and for many, they are the only English speaker in the family.  Most of these kids' families work in agriculture, primarily in the sugar cane fields, orange groves, watermelon and cabbage fields, or on cattle ranches in the area. In fact, several kids shared their concerns of having 'undocumented' family members living with them.  To say that these kids have been given a golden opportunity to rise above their circumstances would be a gross understatement.

Len has never taught high school aged students before, but for both of us, the most enjoyable part of our jobs (besides those three day weekends each semester!) has been going to Clewiston to teach the Collegiate kids.  First semester I taught Introduction to Psychology and Len taught Introduction to Philosophy.  Second semester I taught Developmental Psychology and Len taught Logic.  He had his hands full trying to teach ESL young'ns Logic, but they all survived!  I had to keep reminding him that these were 16-17 year old KIDS and their prefrontal cortex is not yet fully formed...they were really being pushed and challenged to their intellectual limits. They all rose to the occasion.

This was often our view on the 40 minute commute through
sugar cane fields.  Burning cane is the first step to harvesting it.

This is not all of the Collegiate kids, only about half were able
to attend the Spring Banquet.  Jose Roquette, kneeling front left,
was an invaluable resource as our liaison.  He met with each
individual student weekly to check in with them and to keep them
on course. Some kids were very challenged by the college program.

Miss Y blew me away second semester. In Developmental
Psychology, she wanted me to mentor her in replicating
Piaget's experiments on children in the pre-operational
and operational stages of cognitive functioning. She did
an incredible job, and was my top student at HGC.
She is bound for either FSU or FIU this coming fall-
with the intent on majoring in psychology- YAY!!!

These are some of my Clewiston babies... I am so proud of
these girls.  In my hand is the most incredible surprise; and I
was completely unsuspecting.  I was awarded Adjunct Faculty
of the Year for FSW.  I was blown away and deeply humbled.  

Funny story, when the awards program began, (after the most delicious southern BBQ banquet), I had my heels kicked off and under the table.  I was settling in, with camera in hand, to watch the kids receive their awards.  Not paying attention, I did not realize that the Director was talking about me and my accomplishments in my first year at FSW.  Soon my name was called, and Len poked me and told me to go forward to receive my award.  I fumbled under the table trying to find my shoes, only to get my heel hooked on a table leg.  It was an awkward pregnant pause, as I tried to finagle getting my heels on quickly- to which I then tripped on my way up front. Geesh. Way to make an impression!

Mr. Jordan is another one of my Clewiston babies,
and I had to have my photo taken with him as he was
all decked out in Nautica brand clothing, complete
with Sperry's. I told him he belonged on my sailboat!

The director, Amanda, is on the left, and she was
instrumental in starting the Clewiston Collegiate.
She works some kind of magic in this economically
depressed area.  Her passion for teaching, and for
growing FSW is infectious.  Len gave an award to
Jose, a quiet unassuming kid, who was his top
student in Philosophy. He deserved the honor, for sure.

My last chapter of the textbook in Developmental Psychology was on Death & Dying.  The textbook naturally included Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' theory on the five stages of death.  Over the years it has morphed into the five stages of grief, too.  I often self-disclose in class, as I have found that my stories not only help students to remember psychological terms and concepts, but I also serve as a role model that it is safe for students to open up in the same way in my classroom. I spoke of my mother's unexpected death, how it was so incredibly challenging to grieve thousands of miles away from my own circle of friends and family (I was living in China when she passed.)  I shared how the winter months and holidays led to more than grief itself, and I sought treatment for depression.  I also spoke of the 'fog lifting', and how I find comfort and solace in my memories of my Momma. I told of her love of cardinals, and in the days following my Faculty of the Year award, I had a cardinal hanging around on my back deck when I drank my morning coffee.  I was so surprised, as I did not know cardinals lived in FL, but I also 'took it as a sign' that my Momma knew of my good news. She wanted me to know she watches over me still 💕🐦

Wouldn't you know, the last day of class, just before I administered
their comprehensive final exam, two of my Clewiston babies came
to me bearing gifts. They each wrote such sweet letters, and gave me
a cardinal tervis coffee tumbler, and a cardinal wind chime. I am
so richly blessed in this life.  I was reduced to a puddle.

At the HGC classes, I spoke about my Momma's funeral.  We talked about cultural differences in the business of dying, and what rituals we engage in to honor our loved ones.  I shared a poem I had written for my Momma, that we had printed on her memorial folder at the guest registry.  I then asked how many have attended a funeral; nearly every hand went up.  Some were familiar with memorial folders, but others were unfamiliar with them.  I passed Momma's around to show the class.

I then shared with them this 'pearl of wisdom'...

Most of us don't know what to say to someone who is grieving.  Often times, the words "I'm sorry for your loss" roll off our tongues.  They are empty words at best, as 'sorry' is saved for apologies.  I suggested they think of something more personal, more meaningful to say...as a way to truly connect with the bereaved on what is likely the worst day of their life.  They came up with some good ones... "I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now."  "I can't begin to know what you are going through."  "I feel so badly for all you have been through, and all you will have to go through, before you begin to feel normal again."  My kids are awesome. They truly GET IT.

I then asked what do we often say as we leave the funeral home, or the church, or the cemetery...What are our parting words to the bereaved?  They responded immediately...."If you ever need anything, call me."  I asked how many of them ever received a call?

Crickets.  

Not a soul.  

Why do we offer such empty platitudes?  Why do we never hear from the person who is grieving?  They will never call as they are too wrapped up in their grief and sorrow.  Even more likely, the bereaved will never call as they do not want 'to be a bother' to anyone.  "You lead such busy lives", they say.  "You have your hands full already."  "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."  They are offering us a pass, an easy out, when they are the ones whose heart is breaking.  What a crazy world we live in.

After my Momma's folder made it around the classroom, I shared this pearl...

The next time you go to a funeral, you sign in, take a memorial folder, and offer some meaningful heartfelt words to the bereaved...something more personal than "I'm sorry for your loss."  When they leave, again, they are to think of something kind, something more powerful than "Call me if you need anything."  As they return to their car, reflecting on what was that person's worst day of their life, I asked my students to place the memorial folder in their sun visor.  It may be weeks, or it may be months, but one day the sun will be glaring in their eyes, and they will reach for the sun visor.  When they do, that forgotten memorial folder will fall in their lap.  

When that happens, THAT is the day I asked them to call on the bereaved.  I suggested they ask them for a coffee date, offer to take them to dinner or to a movie, or simply bake a dessert and drop by their house.  When they answer the phone I told them to say, "I was just thinking about you" because it is true...you were reminded of them when that memorial folder fell into your lap.  I told them to allow the person to talk of their loved one- by name, and for my students to share their memories of that person with the bereaved.  I asked them to simply sit and ask the bereaved, "How are realllllly doing?"

I told my students that they will be blessed a hundred times over, by that act of kindness, and they will be a blessing to the bereaved.  In fact, their gesture may be the very catalyst to move the bereaved beyond their sadness and loneliness.  The kindness unexpectedly given to them will give them hope that the world is not such a bad place after all.

There wasn't a dry eye left in the classroom.

Including my own.

As the bell rang, one of my students, Michael (who always sits in the back row) came up to me and asked if it was okay if he took a photo of the poem I had written for my Momma.  A few weeks later, just before his final exam, he came in my room one morning and asked if he could play something for me.  He had taken excerpts from my poem and wrote a song for me. 

I am so incredibly blessed to teach the most

thoughtful human beings.  They give ME hope.

After our final exams, our neighbors (and adoptive parents),
Jerry and Joy, wanted to treat us to a celebratory dinner
at the new tavern in the neighborhood!

The Ortona Tavern is just up the street, and it is in a lovely
setting, also on a canal of the Caloosahatchee River.

Len, especially, deserved a celebration for getting through the
semester.  The poor guy had six classes, five preps, at two
different universities.  He stressed tremendously, but my gosh
he made it!  I couldn't have ever made it like he did.

Married at just 16, now nearing 80, and they still are going strong!
The cutest 💕

Cheers to the end of the school year!

The Ortona Tavern used to be called the Shady Gator- I like it!

Though the name has changed, the mascot remains 🐊

What a cool place to hang out; we'll be back!

...and we'll borrow the 'parent's golf cart to get there!

For the very last day of Final Exams, I wore my World Series
CUBS jersey and ball cap.  Len questioned my wardrobe choice
for the last day of school, but nothing says 'summer' to me
like CUBS baseball.  Besides, they just finished the first month
of the season in first place! Len made Joy and I mango
margaritas to commemorate the occasion.  Perfect :)

So that is that.  

Another school year is in the books. 

More lessons taught (by me), and even more lessons learned (for me).

Life is good...I am so blessed.

Now on to three months of boat and house projects- I am ready!

G'nite, y'all!